So, I have been informed that Resolution 2010-014 is not a zombie resolution at all, but is instead a totally normal resolution with absolutely nothing wrong with it.
Remember, in this horror movie I’m cast as the guy making the Futile Attempt to Warn Others That is Guaranteed Not to Work, and I am now Being Assured Nothing Is Wrong.
[establish ominous theme music]
Here is how it goes...
These municipal ordinances, in support of Being Assured Nothing Is Wrong, have been brought to my attention.
WCC 2.02.145 Requests for ordinances or legal opinions.
A. Any member of the county council may forward a request to the county executive to have proposed legislation prepared for placement on an upcoming agenda.
and...
WC Charter Section 2.24 Relationship with Other Branches.
Interaction between the County Council, its staff and individual councilmembers, and those officers and employees within the executive branch shall follow procedures agreed to by the County Executive and the County Council.
By virtue of these components of the municipal law and the Charter, I'm Being Assured Nothing Is Wrong.
A big problem with this...
This is like being told that the homicidal bloody carcass walking around is not a "zombie" because it has a detectable pulse and an MRI shows that it is biologically alive.
This is not Being Assured Nothing Is Wrong, this is Being Assured That Thing Isn't Technically A Zombie.
Great. Still not feeling better about the carcass. Still not going to go near it.
(And who give a zombie an MRI? Honestly...)
Still not feeling better about Resolution 2010-014, either.
Lets take a closer look at that MRI...
Act One, Scene Seven
[The next scene is set in a sanitized medical environment, in a style not unlike that used in an episode of CSI.
A Plucky Scientist is examining the evidence as presented by the guy who is making a Futile Attempt to Warn Others That is Guaranteed Not to Work, since at this point the Plucky Scientist is beginning to realize that Something Is Amiss Here.]
Plucky Scientist
You can see a portion of WCC 2.02.145 has been grafted directly into the zombie resolution... right here...
[cut to a microscope shot of Resolution 2010-014]
"requesting the Executive to have proposed legislation prepared amending the Comprehensive Plan, zoning code and maps to after the designations of various Urban Growth Areas.”
[cut back to medium shot of Apexnerd and Plucky Scientist, somehow Hardware Sales, Inc. product placement is in the shot.]
Apexnerd (pssst... I’m the Futile Attempt guy... sweet!)
What does that mean, Doc?
Scientist
Don’t call me, Doc. I’m a scientist, dammit.
Apexnerd
Okay... What does that mean, College?
Scientist (suspiciously)
Hey... didn’t I throw a book at you once?
Apexnerd
Yeah, back when zombies weren’t roaming the earth. Focus now, Captain Attention-Deficit-Disorder. Back to the MRI.
Scientist
Right... How did you get this MRI anyway?
Apexnerd
I requested it from the government.
Scientist
Like a Public Disclosure Request? Freedom of Information Act?
Apexnerd
No, this is Whatcom County.
You just have to go down to the County Courthouse ask nice and County Staff will give you almost anything.
Like the spare keys to the County Executive’s car...
[jingles keys]
They also gave me the original image of the MRI if I promised to return it on Monday.
Scientist
Who gives a zombie an MRI?
Apexnerd
The County, obviously.
I’m still not sure how they got it to sit still in the tube for that long... and... now you’ve got me doing this...
Dude, we are so begging to be eaten by zombies if we don’t focus on the issue at hand...
The MRI, College... You were saying...
Scientist
Right...
Notice this language is selectively grafted into the resolution. The original ordinance applies to a “member” of the county council.
Apexnerd
Okay... I need more exposition, I’m afraid...
Scientist
I’m reminded of why I hurdled that textbook at you now... but we are focusing...
That’s member, as in one. There isn’t even a letter “s” included in there.
The word “members” isn’t in the original ordinance at all. That ordinance is worded to specifically exclude the county council as a group. And a single council member certainly can’t pass a resolution.
Apexnerd
So the ordinance was never intended to be used by the Council as a group to pass a resolution?
Scientist
Exactly. This resolution is a legislative abomination in violation of the very spirit and letter of our most holy, sacred and majestic municipal document...
The Magna Charter...
[fanfare of music]
Apexnerd
You do realize that Whatcom County is not like some Greek city-state, right?
We are bound by state and federal law, too, you know.
[awkward silence]
Scientist
Oh... if we weren’t in the middle of a Legislative Zombie Apocalypse right now... I would so throw a textbook at your head for that...
Apexnerd
Don’t waste any ammo, College.
You need to save all of it for the zombies.
Scientist
Good point... but there is more.
Apexnerd
Well, we gotta start wrapping this up, College.
We are risking losing audience even as we speak. This banter... hilarious, entertaining and well crafted as it may be... is no substitute the upcoming scenes with zombies eating people and people killing zombies. Even legislative ones.
Scientist
Take a look at this language...
[cut to a microscope shot of Resolution 2010-014]
"requesting the Executive to have proposed legislation prepared amending the Comprehensive Plan, zoning code and maps to after the designations of various Urban Growth Areas.”
[cut back to medium shot of Apexnerd and Plucky Scientist. They are both enjoying Mallard Ice Cream.]
Apexnerd
I see it. What is the significance?
Scientist
The Charter and the municipal code allow the County Council to initiate an amendment to the Comprehensive Plan only once per year.
Apexnerd
But they already initiated that in March...
Scientist
That’s correct. So they can’t initiate another amendment to the Comp Plan this year, by any means.
This Resolution is an attempt by the County Council to get around the law and initiate a second Comp Plan amendment, by proxy.
Apexnerd
And what about this language here?
[cut to a microscope shot of Section 2.24 of the Whatcom County Charter]
"...Interaction between the County Council, its staff and individual councilmembers, and those officers and employees within the executive branch shall follow procedures agreed to by the County Executive and the County Council.”
[cut back to medium shot of Apexnerd and Plucky Scientist. They are both enjoying LaFeen’s Donuts.]
Scientist
Okay, I’m going to let that slide because you brought donuts, but don’t touch the microscope, kid.
Apexnerd
Sorry... won’t happen again... here, you have the fritter...
But anyway...Part of the rationale for Resolution 2010-014 being legit is that this is an interaction following a procedure agreed to by the Executive and the Council.
Scientist
That’s [bad word].
The problem with establishing such a procedure with a resolution is that the County Executive can’t veto a resolution.
Apexnerd
Pretend that problem isn’t as obvious to me as it is to you.
Scientist (glancing briefly at a handy textbook)
Okay...
The Charter requires that procedures be agreed to by the Executive and the Council...
Agreement requires some ability to control how the procedure is finally written.
Well, the County Executive has absolutely no way to control what the language might be for a procedure as written in a resolution passed by the Council.
Apexnerd
Well, the Executive can just chose to ignore the request if he doesn’t agree with it.
Resolutions don’t have the force of law. The Executive can just refuse to comply with the request.
Scientist
That completely misses the point, Apex.
The procedure has to be agreed to. If that procedure is created by a resolution then the Executive has no ability to agree to the procedure itself.
Take it or leave it isn’t an agreement. It’s an ultimatum. The Executive Branch has no statutory method to influence how the procedure would be written by way of a resolution.
However, if the procedure were created by ordinance...
Apexnerd
Then the County Executive could veto it and return the ordinance to the Council with written objections attached...
Scientist
Exactly. The County Executive could legally negotiate with the Council what procedure he is willing to agree to.
Apexnerd
Wait... this current Council could possibly muster the five votes it needs to override such a veto... doesn’t that factor into things?
Scientist
Well, it puts the County Executive in a relatively weak position to reach an agreement to his satisfaction...
but that is completely different than being in no position at all.
Even if the Executive ends up getting outvoted by the Council on what the procedure will be, he still has a legitimate option to influence how the procedure might be drafted.
This is the difference between complying with the Charter and ignoring it.
Apexnerd
But the County Legal Staff have advised the Council and the Executive and both branches were Assured Nothing Is Wrong.
[a long pause...
then Scientist and Apexnerd burst into laughter at the same time.]
Scientist
You are a funny guy, Apex.
Apexnerd
I know.
Scientist
Am I going to survive this Legislative Zombie Apocalypse?
Apexnerd
I don’t know.
Keep your wits about you. And keep that textbook handy.
You already know how to aim for the head.
[ominous music sting]
[end scene]
[end Act One]
The problem with this movie and zombie movies in general is they don't let you know what the zombies are thinking. What is the Zombie's side of the story?
ReplyDeleteIn 2008 the County approved Bellingham’s UGA boundary without CAITAC included. CAITAC appealed. The County prevailed on all issues regarding CAITAC. It wasn’t even a close call.
What has changed since the Hearings Board decision in 2008? Not much other than a real estate bubble crash.
Just what are Crawford, Nelson, Kershner and Knutzen thinking? What are the Zombies thinking? How did they get infected?
Who is Bruce Cambpell in this story?
ReplyDeleteDan,
ReplyDeleteWith regard to adding Caitac’s Larrabee Springs property to Bellingham’s UGA, I suspect that Crawford, Nelson, Kershner, Knutzen and others are thinking the same thing the vast majority has thought for eons:
“We need to expand our tax revenues and create more demand for goods and services by increasing our local population.”
Unfortunately, as virtually every jurisdiction has experienced, the long term public costs associated with population growth substantially exceed the long term tax revenues. (Of course, that situation could be corrected if adequate impact fees were established.)
Sure, in the first year or two, tax revenues exceed costs; but that’s only because the actual costs associated with growth are postponed for many years. As long as we have capacity for more cars, students and park visitors, money is not spent … initially.
However, once that capacity is used up, substantial costs are incurred to handle deficiencies and create new capacity. By not considering these costs up front, the zombies’ obvious short-sightedness is masked… for awhile.
We should all know better, even the zombies. But when influential parties who profit from population growth – and their minions - apply constant pressure on electeds, judgment is severely impaired.
Of course, I could be completely wrong…
I appreciate your efforts to try to tell the zombie side of the story Anon1. Would love to here it from the zombies themselves as it was missing in the recitals of the resolution they passed.
ReplyDeleteDan,
ReplyDeleteI think you'd know better than to look at the recitals of a resolution to find the true thinking of elected officials.
That was always my problem. I took that stuff way too seriously. Lousy at the politics. But none of my ordinances ever got over turned in court.
ReplyDeleteRiley...
ReplyDeleteThe spirit of Bruce Campbell (and Sam Raimi) infuse and inform this entire thread of silliness.