Nerditorial: How To Make A WRIA 1 Meeting More Exciting

One way of doing it is to make stuff up.

So, I am going to follow in the example of the Whatcom Excavator and make stuff up.

Look at how Publius (the communal pseudonym for the authors of the Excavator) spices up this story about a WRIA 1 meeting.

It starts with an eye-catching article's title like "Water Planning Hijacked, Needs Council Attention"

Wow. That conjures up an image of Bruce Willis (or perhaps Gerard Butler) storming a Water Planning event and taking down the hijackers with a fist full of machine gun and a mouth full of one-liners.

...agencies and planners have basically run away with the process since 2009.  A lot of people have been dumped - citizens with wells, private water associations, the county's public water districts, and even small cities in large part...

...

In spite of this very clear law [The Watershed Management Act], state and regional agencies and the county's departments have jumped the tracks.  Not only has resource planning become remote, but both public and private water rights have been fought over behind closed doors without transparency, or open public meetings (check out the state law). [The Open Public Meetings Act]. LINK.

Well, that is all well and good, but I was at the meeting... and I can do better at making stuff up than that.

There we were... at the WRIA 1 meeting. It was March 21st, 2013. We were in Room #513 of the County Courthouse. Also, known as "The Lido Deck". The bartender, Issac, served champagne that was as chilly as the stares exchanged between caucus members. I was a monkey, she was the Pope. We were there to fight crime. But that's another story for another time.

Lady Gaga performed the National Anthem, wearing a dress made out of Agenda 21. Her back-up singers were resplendent in their shower shoes, pith helmets, and mood condoms.

Jack Louws gavelled the meeting to order (totally nude, of course) and then allowed the public to make a few brief statements, provided they could best him in a lively game of Twister first.

The cast of Finding Bigfoot handily defeated the County Executive and then testified that the Sasquatch are the true senior water rights holders in the County. And then they flew away with their jet packs.

After open session, there was the ceremonial Sacrifice of the Beanie Baby, which was grilled over a flaming copy of the Bill of Rights. It was delicious, but oddly tasted nothing like chicken.

Then the staff (who had just been given total control of all of the water rights in the County, the Tribal Reservations, and a portion of British Columbia) entered. They were each dressed as their favorite Harry Potter character. To the surprise of absolutely no one, they all were dressed like Voldemort.

As the caucus of Farmers, Water Districts, and Well Owners attempted to protest, the staff descended upon them like bureaucratic locusts. The staff overpowered the protesting citizens, causing the protesters to hit themselves in the face. "Stop hitting yourselves, stop hitting yourselves," the staff yelled with hideous glee, drunk on their new found and ill-gotten power.

I took a moment to take an inventory of the contents of my WRIA 1 gift bag. It included a pair of Manolo Blahnik shoes that were exactly my size (but did make me look like I have cankles), one dozen spotted owl eggs, $25,000 worth of two-dollar bills, the Spear of Longinus, denture adhesive, one of my missing monogrammed socks, a Whatcom farmer's water right, and... of course... Godiva chocolate.

A game of Three-Wicket Croquet broke out after the staff finished assaulting the property rights of the ag-community. Planning Commissioner Dave Onkels was declared the winner. "I'm king of the world," he shouted triumphantly, "and global warming is a hoax perpetrated by the liberal media!"

There was an ice sculpture of Michealangelo's David on full display. For the sake of modesty and decorum, David's icy genitalia was hidden by a strategically placed ice sculpture of a Dodge Dart II. The oil pan of the Dart leaked Stoli vodka.

The PUD delegates challenged the Exempt Well delegates to a dance-off. And then, it was on. One faction danced Gangnam Style, the other danced the Harlem Shake. Both sides were declared the loser.

For ninety minutes, the assembly debated the merits and drawbacks of the Oxford comma. When the debate drew to a close, the Joint Board reached consensus on their Favorite Kardashian (Bruce Jenner).

Larry Helm shouted, "This is my Independence Day and you can't handle the truth with fava beans and a nice chianti!"

Someone's milkshake was drunk by someone to whom that milkshake did not belong.

When the veliciraptors attacked, we were saved by the quick thinking of Kelli Linville. The Mayor of Bellingham brandished a pretend gun and made "peh-CHEW! peh-CHEW!" sounds at the Jurassic threat. This tactic worked almost perfectly. Mayor Linville's pretend gun suffered two pretend misfires and had to be pretend loaded four pretend times. The 'raptors pretend killed three farmers and the drummer from Spinal Tap before they pretend withdrew.

And then, things started getting weird.

Wow. Didn't that sound exciting? Sounds like you missed one hell of a meeting, huh?

I may have been exaggerating. It is possible that the vodka wasn't Stoli, for example.

Anywho...

Publius included in the Excavator article a link to a letter written to the County by the Water District Caucus of WRIA. The linked letter alleged two very serious things.

First, it alleged that there possible violations of the Water Code of the RCW.

Second, it alleged that there were possible violations of the Open Public Meetings Act.

As an attendee of this meeting, the only thing I saw hijacked was about two hours of my time.

I have heard about WRIA 1 many times, but only now have I had an opportunity to see the thing up close.

Even after this meeting, it is not entirely clear to me precisely what WRIA 1 does or how it is organized...

...visiting the WRIA 1 website was some help, but not as much help as I might have hoped.

But I have pieced together a few things...

There was a presentation from the Lummi Nation on the matter of conflicts over water rights.

The First Nations have senior water rights and they have those rights eight ways til Sunday.

Washington State, and Whatcom County, enjoy junior water rights. This meeting was well attended by the ag-community and property-rights advocates. The audience was so quiet during the presentation that you could hear their blood pressure rising.

I have no idea how the state Water Code could have been violated.

On the matter of OPMA violations, on the other hand, I have a few observations.

First, good luck proving an OPMA violation. It can be done, but it takes more than merely an assertion that a violation may have happened.

The OPMA normally governs the actions of a group that conforms to the Act's definition of a "state agency".

In order for there to be a violation, a quorum of a state agency must have a "meeting" that is not public. The definition of a "meeting" for the OPMA is extremely broad, and includes an exchange of e-mails.

At first glance, the WRIA 1 Planning Unit seems to qualify as a state agency. Right up to the point where the Lummi Nation and the Nooksack Tribe enter into the picture. The Lummi and Nooksack governments are not bound by state law, including the Open Public Meetings Act. So, the existence of voting delegates from the Lummi Nation and Nooksack Tribes on the Planning Unit throw into considerable doubt the degree to which the Open Public Meetings Act applies to that unit.

I am of the opinion that the OPMA does apply to the Planning Unit, just not to the delegates from the Tribes. That makes enforcing the OPMA, and proving a violation of the OPMA, more tricky than for any other state agency.

The other concern alluded to by the Excavator article, and the WRIA 1 Water District Caucus letter, is the notion that the Planning Unit is empowered to make decisions that affect the governing bodies. This would be the hijacking and track jumping described in the Excavator article.

Unless someone can produce some evidence that either the WRIA 1 Joint Board or its Planning Unit (or any other work group or committee formed within WRIA 1) enjoys any special authority to take action that is binding on the County, the State of Washington, or any of the Tribes... I believe it safe to say neither the Joint Board nor the Planning Unit have any authority at all.

In fact, let's take a look at the Memorandum of Agreement from October 29, 1998. That is the document that initiated the entire WRIA 1 project.

The parties recognize that ESHB 2514 provides that the planning process shall not contain provisions which conflict with tribal treaty rights or which impose an obligation on any participating government.

ESHB 2514 is the document that allowed for the this entire WRIA process to begin. LINK 

At least twice, mention was made that the WRIA 1 Planning Unit has legal status (or perhaps legal standing) which means something legal or... something. I'm not an attorney, but I suspect that having legal standing is not the same thing as enjoying the ability to function as a sovereign government... which is an ability the Planning Unit would have to have to make decisions that are binding on any of the government bodies that formed that Planning Unit.

And that's all I have for now.

'Nerd Out.